lingering in the mind
dancing in the soul
the heart's ablaze with heat
waiting for eternity

you just tell me how i'm supposed to deal with life

again i feel so so lazy and un-motivated to study. i keep on telling myself i'll go and do it, yes i will *pumps fist in air* but so far the week's almost over and i've yet to really tackle what i said i would do. or else i've just skimmed through because the day's activities have tired me out. forget it, i'll do it the next week. no point worrying and fussing about stuff like that because it screws up your day with worrying. i think i'll just enjoy what's left of today and what will be tomorrow with meeting my friends at YA meeting and then going for cell and bbq at night. that settles it, going to watch tv later. lazy me. i'm behind in my schedule by 5 chapters worth of work (big big big chapters with all those part 1 part 2 part 3 ...) but i think it's okay la. i can catch up when i'm really panicked.

i really feel very lazy lately. there seems to be this cloud of haze, not unpleasant, that's hovering around me. i feel like wallowing in it. i think i'm supposed to say something here like "let's give in to our basic instincts and wallow in mud and eat ourselves silly!" but that just sounds wrong.

i'm wondering about my morals. sometimes i feel like they aren't that clearly defined as i thought they were. does it surprise you if i sometimes think that it's okay to break the rules in certain circumstances like maybe if you want to get ahead in the game of life? or how i sometimes feel like a relationship is something that people blow out of proportion and that a fling would be good in my life? (okay, so maybe that isn't exactly moralistic stuff but it can be linked.) the point i'm trying to make is that sometimes (i keep using that word because it's only SOMETIMES) i wonder why i make such a big deal of stuff that has to do with morals. maybe it's okay to do certain things. but after some thought, i abandon these haha radical ideas because i fear the consequences of doing them according to my present trend of thought. i don't like doing things in a moment of folly, neither do i appreciate the backlash and consequences of doing things i normally won't do because of impulse. but that doesn't mean i'm safe and reliable. i can be wild and exciting too. haha. now that sounds like an ad for a car ride or something.

"hop in and experience the ride of your life!" --advertisment for my supposedly wild side

does it sound semi suggestive? *laughs* perhaps i sub consciously meant it to be so. nah, i just meant that i'm fun. i guess sometimes i view things more seriously than others because i like thinking of the long term rather than the here and now. or maybe it's a mixture of both. i like thinking ahead. but i also know how to enjoy the moment. oh well, my train of thought's a little disturbed because my eyes keep on going back to the advertisment line. get back to you when it returns